This isn't about you. You Just need to shut up and listen.
As a white male interested in exploring the topics of sexism, racism, rape culture and homophobia so that I can understand what people find offensive and what is an appropriate response to my white male privilege that I partake in by simply being white and male, people who are victims of the –ism will tell me that the issue isn’t about me.
This isn’t generally to say on their part that they do not believe that I somehow participate in the culture that creates these things as if they are absolving me of any guilt or wrong-doing; it is rather an attempt to take out the hate and rage that they feel at the culture on a representative of that culture. I happen to be handy and willing to listen.
However, listening, at least for me, does not mean that I understand the information that is trying to be passed on, even if I am actively listening. In order to process the information so that I can assimilate better behaviors, I have to be able to receive the information, able to ask questions about the information, and able to participate in a discussion that both I and the other person may find, in some way, offensive.
If the discussion of the –ism isn’t about me or the privilege that I enjoy by my mere presence in a white, male, heterosexual society, then why would I be interested in having it, especially if the other person is just going to tell me to shut up? All that a statement like “This isn’t about you. You just need to shut up and listen” accomplishes is to make sure that I am not listening and that I no longer seek out ways to try to ameliorate the circumstances that the other person finds him or herself in.
No change can take place in society without change in individuals, and no change can take place in individuals until each person applies the words of the hurt, downtrodden and discriminated against to his or herself. In order to apply the words, they need to be understood, which becomes a problem if the person who is attempting to learn doesn’t have a clue on how to apply the words to his or her life.
This isn’t generally to say on their part that they do not believe that I somehow participate in the culture that creates these things as if they are absolving me of any guilt or wrong-doing; it is rather an attempt to take out the hate and rage that they feel at the culture on a representative of that culture. I happen to be handy and willing to listen.
However, listening, at least for me, does not mean that I understand the information that is trying to be passed on, even if I am actively listening. In order to process the information so that I can assimilate better behaviors, I have to be able to receive the information, able to ask questions about the information, and able to participate in a discussion that both I and the other person may find, in some way, offensive.
If the discussion of the –ism isn’t about me or the privilege that I enjoy by my mere presence in a white, male, heterosexual society, then why would I be interested in having it, especially if the other person is just going to tell me to shut up? All that a statement like “This isn’t about you. You just need to shut up and listen” accomplishes is to make sure that I am not listening and that I no longer seek out ways to try to ameliorate the circumstances that the other person finds him or herself in.
No change can take place in society without change in individuals, and no change can take place in individuals until each person applies the words of the hurt, downtrodden and discriminated against to his or herself. In order to apply the words, they need to be understood, which becomes a problem if the person who is attempting to learn doesn’t have a clue on how to apply the words to his or her life.