Crappy Love Poetry Collection
by Shad Engkilterra
Beginning
Waking up now is much more pleasant. Thoughts of you surround me in their embrace. The only thing lacking is your presence – Our bodies entwined and interlaced. Your smile fills my vision With peace and joy and contentment. My arms seek to hold what I’m missing. My mind finds mystery in what is meant. The time comes to step out of fantasy And join the madding crowd. My day is carried with your memory. My life with your light endowed. Think too much I think too much about you, At least that’s what I’m told – How you smile, how you laugh, How you feel to hold. I think too much of you, At least that’s what has been said – How smart you are and how capable May all be in my head. I may think of you often, But “too much” is a judgement call Because you see, my friend, With me it’s nothing or all. Unrequited I cannot take your pain away and make everything all right. I cannot comfort you and help you in your fight. I can only offer me, a poor substitute for what you desire, And a poor salve against the burning of the fire. I can only give you words that build you up and create hope In the ever fleeting moment with the idea they may help you cope. Though nothing that I do for you will ultimately matter And knowing this makes me all the sadder, You have to choose your own way and your own road. I can only pray that what I do will be enough to lighten your load. The Night It’s always late in the evening Or, some would say, early in the night When my feelings of loneliness Stir in me the fright That love will never come Nor can it ever be Because love comes not To those like me, So I lie awake in bed Tortured by so much drama – Dying 1000 deaths, Crying out for mama, Wishing for real death In sweat-soaked pajamas. I cannot prove that love won’t come, And friends and family concur. They say, “Have patience, son, Some day you will find her.” They do not see the others, Who have avoided love’s allure. Still it is this sliver of no real hope That wakes me the next day. Until my heart is completely broken, I guess I will have to play The happy, smart, fun-loving friend And pretend that I am doing okay. Darkness In the darkness of my soul, Fear, despair and loneliness are beautiful to behold. They wrap themselves around me tightly Gripping my heart and mind nightly Making everything unsightly And dragging me out into the cold. I am powerless as them I face. I try to hope for a saving grace, But all of my attempts and trying Only beget a lot of sighing, And I know I’m slowly dying While leaving this world no trace. Hope is always quickly killed Like a candle in the wind is stilled Finding my way through the dark Hoping to see just one small spark Or feel an identifying mark My dreams, desires and wishes left unfulfilled. The Breaking Lost in my thoughts A dark corner of my mind Struggling to find the light Being left behind The brambles of failure Tear at my skin Fear, loneliness and despair Try to break in With each fading hour The darkness it grows Gaining strength and power In my ungentled repose Belief, faith and hope Have left me in the cold I find myself without support As the despair finally takes hold I strive to find my way Around the darkness Out, through, over, above Nothing works, and I confess I don’t know where to go Or where the journey ends I only know that my soul Will break as it bends |
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