Crappy Love Poetry Collection
by Shad Engkilterra
Waking up now is much more pleasant.
Thoughts of you surround me in their embrace.
The only thing lacking is your presence –
Our bodies entwined and interlaced.
Your smile fills my vision
With peace and joy and contentment.
My arms seek to hold what I’m missing.
My mind finds mystery in what is meant.
The time comes to step out of fantasy
And join the madding crowd.
My day is carried with your memory.
My life with your light endowed.
Think too much
I think too much about you,
At least that’s what I’m told –
How you smile, how you laugh,
How you feel to hold.
I think too much of you,
At least that’s what has been said –
How smart you are and how capable
May all be in my head.
I may think of you often,
But “too much” is a judgement call
Because you see, my friend,
With me it’s nothing or all.
I cannot take your pain away and make everything all right.
I cannot comfort you and help you in your fight.
I can only offer me, a poor substitute for what you desire,
And a poor salve against the burning of the fire.
I can only give you words that build you up and create hope
In the ever fleeting moment with the idea they may help you cope.
Though nothing that I do for you will ultimately matter
And knowing this makes me all the sadder,
You have to choose your own way and your own road.
I can only pray that what I do will be enough to lighten your load.
It’s always late in the evening
Or, some would say, early in the night
When my feelings of loneliness
Stir in me the fright
That love will never come
Nor can it ever be
Because love comes not
To those like me,
So I lie awake in bed
Tortured by so much drama –
Dying 1000 deaths,
Crying out for mama,
Wishing for real death
In sweat-soaked pajamas.
I cannot prove that love won’t come,
And friends and family concur.
They say, “Have patience, son,
Some day you will find her.”
They do not see the others,
Who have avoided love’s allure.
Still it is this sliver of no real hope
That wakes me the next day.
Until my heart is completely broken,
I guess I will have to play
The happy, smart, fun-loving friend
And pretend that I am doing okay.
In the darkness of my soul,
Fear, despair and loneliness are beautiful to behold.
They wrap themselves around me tightly
Gripping my heart and mind nightly
Making everything unsightly
And dragging me out into the cold.
I am powerless as them I face.
I try to hope for a saving grace,
But all of my attempts and trying
Only beget a lot of sighing,
And I know I’m slowly dying
While leaving this world no trace.
Hope is always quickly killed
Like a candle in the wind is stilled
Finding my way through the dark
Hoping to see just one small spark
Or feel an identifying mark
My dreams, desires and wishes left unfulfilled.
Lost in my thoughts
A dark corner of my mind
Struggling to find the light
Being left behind
The brambles of failure
Tear at my skin
Fear, loneliness and despair
Try to break in
With each fading hour
The darkness it grows
Gaining strength and power
In my ungentled repose
Belief, faith and hope
Have left me in the cold
I find myself without support
As the despair finally takes hold
I strive to find my way
Around the darkness
Out, through, over, above
Nothing works, and I confess
I don’t know where to go
Or where the journey ends
I only know that my soul
Will break as it bends