'Teaching men not to rape' is ridiculous
The UCSB shootings are allowing people to engage in the conversation that includes words like “rape culture” and has sparked cries to “teach men not to rape” rather than teaching women to be safe. While the conversation is a good one to have, it is ridiculous to propose that the solution is to teach men not to rape.
It may be that by proposing this solution, people are drawing attention to the problem using the trigger word “rape” without actually realizing what they are saying. “Rape,” like “Hitler,” “child molester,” “global warming” and “gun control,” is a trigger word. It creates a knee jerk reaction in everyone who hears it, and Americans considered rape a universal evil.
The problem is that men are already being taught not to rape. Men are also taught not to murder, not to steal and not to do drugs. All of these illegal things go on regularly in America. Priests were taught not to have sex; they were taught not to lie. That didn’t work out very well for the Catholic Church as priests lied about sexually abusing boys.
Education on the subject of rape may not be futile. According to Pandora’s Project:
rape is sexual contact or penetration achieved:
without consent, or
with use of physical force, coercion, deception, threat, and/or
when the victim is:
mentally incapacitated or impaired,
physically impaired (due to voluntary or involuntary alcohol or drug consumption)
asleep or unconscious.
This definition most notably affects anyone who thinks that it is okay to have sex with someone who is drunk or asleep. In some states, blood alcohol level could be used to prove that a woman is too impaired to give consent. While that is controversial for some, the point is that men do need to know where the American media has lied to them about the use of drugs, sex and the implications when they come together.
It is good to know what classifies as rape and that rape is terrible. However, there will always be a small population that engages in those things that are wrong and/or illegal. No amount of education has stopped child or animal abuse. All of the education programs to keep children off of drugs have failed.
Rape is a crime of power not sex. The individual who commits the rape is expressing his or her power over the victim. One writer talked about the fear that women live in constantly that men never have to deal with. This 6-foot tall paragon of manhood had no fear of going out after dark to places that would be sketchy in the daylight. He had no idea of the fear that women lived in because as a man, he did not experience that fear. He could go where he pleased when he pleased, drinking and doing what he pleased.
The women he had talked to were afraid to walk alone at night, to drink anything that had left their sights at any point in the evening, to go places by themselves because of what may happen. After finally figuring out that a part of rape culture was this constant fear, the writer advised that men go out of their way to show a woman that the man is not a threat -- behaviors that are easily imitated and often used by men who actually are threats. A woman cannot tell the difference between a good guy and a rapist, so all men are potential rapists. A woman may even hesitate getting into an elevator alone with a man she does not know.
Maybe what people need to be taught is respect for each other and how to be empowered. For anyone who is not a sociopath, recognizing that the person in front of him or her is a human being is usually enough to keep him or her from harming the other. A person who believes that he or she has power his less likely to allow someone else to take that power. If rape is an expression of power, empowering people may reduce the number of men who feel powerless.
Women should be taught to defend themselves and feel comfortable saying “no.” Far too often, men are caught believing that “no” means “yes,” and women are caught with adhering to the passive values that society has charged them with. When men and women know that a rejection is not an invitation to try harder, people will be able to know better where the lines are. When women are able to say “no” and not feel guilty or bad about it, they will be able to assert their power and send a clear message.
Everyone has to take precautions to be safe in any community. However, when those precautions handcuff over half the population, there is a problem within that society. While “teaching men not to rape” sounds like a good idea that no one will argue against, it really misses the heart of the matter.
It may be that by proposing this solution, people are drawing attention to the problem using the trigger word “rape” without actually realizing what they are saying. “Rape,” like “Hitler,” “child molester,” “global warming” and “gun control,” is a trigger word. It creates a knee jerk reaction in everyone who hears it, and Americans considered rape a universal evil.
The problem is that men are already being taught not to rape. Men are also taught not to murder, not to steal and not to do drugs. All of these illegal things go on regularly in America. Priests were taught not to have sex; they were taught not to lie. That didn’t work out very well for the Catholic Church as priests lied about sexually abusing boys.
Education on the subject of rape may not be futile. According to Pandora’s Project:
rape is sexual contact or penetration achieved:
without consent, or
with use of physical force, coercion, deception, threat, and/or
when the victim is:
mentally incapacitated or impaired,
physically impaired (due to voluntary or involuntary alcohol or drug consumption)
asleep or unconscious.
This definition most notably affects anyone who thinks that it is okay to have sex with someone who is drunk or asleep. In some states, blood alcohol level could be used to prove that a woman is too impaired to give consent. While that is controversial for some, the point is that men do need to know where the American media has lied to them about the use of drugs, sex and the implications when they come together.
It is good to know what classifies as rape and that rape is terrible. However, there will always be a small population that engages in those things that are wrong and/or illegal. No amount of education has stopped child or animal abuse. All of the education programs to keep children off of drugs have failed.
Rape is a crime of power not sex. The individual who commits the rape is expressing his or her power over the victim. One writer talked about the fear that women live in constantly that men never have to deal with. This 6-foot tall paragon of manhood had no fear of going out after dark to places that would be sketchy in the daylight. He had no idea of the fear that women lived in because as a man, he did not experience that fear. He could go where he pleased when he pleased, drinking and doing what he pleased.
The women he had talked to were afraid to walk alone at night, to drink anything that had left their sights at any point in the evening, to go places by themselves because of what may happen. After finally figuring out that a part of rape culture was this constant fear, the writer advised that men go out of their way to show a woman that the man is not a threat -- behaviors that are easily imitated and often used by men who actually are threats. A woman cannot tell the difference between a good guy and a rapist, so all men are potential rapists. A woman may even hesitate getting into an elevator alone with a man she does not know.
Maybe what people need to be taught is respect for each other and how to be empowered. For anyone who is not a sociopath, recognizing that the person in front of him or her is a human being is usually enough to keep him or her from harming the other. A person who believes that he or she has power his less likely to allow someone else to take that power. If rape is an expression of power, empowering people may reduce the number of men who feel powerless.
Women should be taught to defend themselves and feel comfortable saying “no.” Far too often, men are caught believing that “no” means “yes,” and women are caught with adhering to the passive values that society has charged them with. When men and women know that a rejection is not an invitation to try harder, people will be able to know better where the lines are. When women are able to say “no” and not feel guilty or bad about it, they will be able to assert their power and send a clear message.
Everyone has to take precautions to be safe in any community. However, when those precautions handcuff over half the population, there is a problem within that society. While “teaching men not to rape” sounds like a good idea that no one will argue against, it really misses the heart of the matter.