Marginalization and the single man of a certain age in the LDS Church
It is hard to deal with being marginalized when the thing you love is that which is marginalizing you. No one wants to believe that an organization, in which he or she has invested a part of his or her identity, would shuttle that person into a corner to be chastised for another part of that person’s identity.
I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints when I was 35 for several reasons – the strongest of which was the doctrine that says that families can be together forever. There are few things that I have known for longer than that even when I wasn’t a member of the church.
What I later found out was that a single male over the age of 25 who isn’t married is a menace to society and not practicing his religion and that a man who is not a returned missionary is not only not a desirable husband for women in the church but also not a desirable person to date. I may have been the right fit, but I wasn’t the right size, and “we shouldn’t date” (though I do not know if she meant each other or just in general).
In the eternal plan, the women in the church have a way out, they are told that “we do not know what lies in the hearts of men,” but as long as the women remain faithful to the doctrine of the church, they will have an eternal companion in the afterlife. It is amazing how many women are waiting for their Stripling warriors.
For men, there is no equivalent. It is up to the man to pursue and engage in an eternal marriage. If he does not, he cannot attain perfection. He will be relegated to the highest level of heaven as a ministering angel instead of what he could have been with an eternal companion. Damned is damned, regardless of the level at which it occurs.
There have been individuals who have accepted me in spite of my marital handicap, but by and large, the institution of the church and a majority of its members have decided that I am not worthy of their time, friendship or notice.
I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints when I was 35 for several reasons – the strongest of which was the doctrine that says that families can be together forever. There are few things that I have known for longer than that even when I wasn’t a member of the church.
What I later found out was that a single male over the age of 25 who isn’t married is a menace to society and not practicing his religion and that a man who is not a returned missionary is not only not a desirable husband for women in the church but also not a desirable person to date. I may have been the right fit, but I wasn’t the right size, and “we shouldn’t date” (though I do not know if she meant each other or just in general).
In the eternal plan, the women in the church have a way out, they are told that “we do not know what lies in the hearts of men,” but as long as the women remain faithful to the doctrine of the church, they will have an eternal companion in the afterlife. It is amazing how many women are waiting for their Stripling warriors.
For men, there is no equivalent. It is up to the man to pursue and engage in an eternal marriage. If he does not, he cannot attain perfection. He will be relegated to the highest level of heaven as a ministering angel instead of what he could have been with an eternal companion. Damned is damned, regardless of the level at which it occurs.
There have been individuals who have accepted me in spite of my marital handicap, but by and large, the institution of the church and a majority of its members have decided that I am not worthy of their time, friendship or notice.