Will Rooster vs. the Poultry King
There was once a feral rooster who fought for the power of rooster freedom, devoting each and every day to saving the rooster kingdom! Unlike the average rooster this witty, chaotic and rebellious rooster declared anarchy upon the Poultry King's dynasty, at the sound of his cock-a-doodle-do all the stone broken roosters made a rush for the king’s fortification, only to realize that inside the king’s fortification lay an Eskimo empire filled with igloos.
No dictionary could supply the number of words that the rooster needed to describe his chagrin at finding that the Chicken King had aligned himself with the Eskimos. As far as Will Rooster knew, they were a good people who created awesome sunglasses to protect against the sun’s glare coming off the ice. Snow blindness was a terrible thing to experience; at least that is what the National Geographic special had intimated during one of its Northern Overexposure episodes.
Still Will had already started the assault, so he loaded up the water pistols with nail polish to melt the igloos and told his compoultriats that it was time to prepare their staplers. These chickens would no longer be a staple in anyone’s diet plan.
As the chickens braced themselves for a multicolored warfare characterized by only the best luxury nail polish and office furnishings available ...... a horrific cognition blazed through the mind of the co-commanding rooster. As the co-commanding officer entered a state of complete paralysis the rooster rebels scurried to the igloo like a disjointed comic strip defined by glittery feathers and ak-47's loaded with coffee.
These roosters were ready; they felt the power of overthrowing the Chicken King; they knew the cause of freedom was worth fighting for. These poor poultry-peasants were borderline prisoners, their only value in Poultry kingdom was to replicate Disney movies over and over again! No more... the roosters just couldn't take it!! They were verging onto insanity.... hastily and without any sign of weakness they latched onto the stirrup which clung off the bunnies ivory alabaster fur.
And charged into the alpestrine compound shouting out affirming words of their plaintiffship. “Remember Benin!”
“Fly not fry!”
“Clara Kluck don’t give a…”
Will shouted loudest, rallying his troops, “We want our freedom!” His compoultriats believed that fire came from his arse as he sped toward their assured victory.
That is when the underqueen appeared. Resplendent in her custom made armor that provided for both superior protection and litheness of movement, she flicked her jewel encrusted nails and commanded her legion of trained rainbow unicorn cats to meet the fowl, oncoming army.
A distraught Will was caught in between a subconscious cross-fire: fight until each Rooster peasant is freed of this dreadful life or seek refuge by the lake. There was no time for thinking; Will was aware of the impending extinction of the roosters and this... this would have led to complete obliteration! The underqueen would have gleefully cheered as the roosters fought a tragic and highly cumbersome war!
Will did it. He cryptically signaled his Rooster troops to retreat to the lake, the one place the underqueen and her "monkeys" were embargoed from entering.
Upon arrival at the lake, Will knew there was some strategic plan he was missing! He knew there was a way to get back at the underqueen, the Eskimos and the Poultry king! Will thought back to the Hobbit, intrigued by the ring, its magnificence, its usefulness, its functionality and its supreme power!
"That’s it," Will exclaimed. We must forge mass-quantities of "frodo" rings for the Poultry army, with 100 Roosters on the army, they would even benefit from economies of scale!! Will knew that the only way to get to Eskimo Kingdom was to go unheard and unseen! Although the plan was "soundproof" Will had one last person to speak to – Hagrid.
The small cabin by the lake filled with laughter as Hagrid listened to the bird brain idea that Will had formed to save the rooster army.
“Well,” Hagrid’s voice was deeply bass, “That would be a great plan if the first rings weren’t imbued with the power of all the races and forged in the fires of Mordor. And, yes, you could say that in the end it was Frodo’s ring, but Gollum and Bilbo both owned it before Frodo. Really that’s just a minor point.” Hagrid took a deep breath and looked at the chanticleer.
“But, bock, but,” Will spat splenetically, “That was our only hope. This is the goddamndestly hopeless situation I have ever been in. How do you defeat an army of rainbow kitten unicorns? Their sweetness alone could kill you.”
“I wouldn’t plan on eating them,” Hagrid laughed again. “Friend, your situation is grave, but you are capacitated to solve the problem. You just have to figure out the best strategy, and you don’t have to do it alone.” Hagrid’s irradiative words lit up the situation.
Will knew that he could consult his army. Together one hundred minds could come up with a creative solution to their current situation.
No dictionary could supply the number of words that the rooster needed to describe his chagrin at finding that the Chicken King had aligned himself with the Eskimos. As far as Will Rooster knew, they were a good people who created awesome sunglasses to protect against the sun’s glare coming off the ice. Snow blindness was a terrible thing to experience; at least that is what the National Geographic special had intimated during one of its Northern Overexposure episodes.
Still Will had already started the assault, so he loaded up the water pistols with nail polish to melt the igloos and told his compoultriats that it was time to prepare their staplers. These chickens would no longer be a staple in anyone’s diet plan.
As the chickens braced themselves for a multicolored warfare characterized by only the best luxury nail polish and office furnishings available ...... a horrific cognition blazed through the mind of the co-commanding rooster. As the co-commanding officer entered a state of complete paralysis the rooster rebels scurried to the igloo like a disjointed comic strip defined by glittery feathers and ak-47's loaded with coffee.
These roosters were ready; they felt the power of overthrowing the Chicken King; they knew the cause of freedom was worth fighting for. These poor poultry-peasants were borderline prisoners, their only value in Poultry kingdom was to replicate Disney movies over and over again! No more... the roosters just couldn't take it!! They were verging onto insanity.... hastily and without any sign of weakness they latched onto the stirrup which clung off the bunnies ivory alabaster fur.
And charged into the alpestrine compound shouting out affirming words of their plaintiffship. “Remember Benin!”
“Fly not fry!”
“Clara Kluck don’t give a…”
Will shouted loudest, rallying his troops, “We want our freedom!” His compoultriats believed that fire came from his arse as he sped toward their assured victory.
That is when the underqueen appeared. Resplendent in her custom made armor that provided for both superior protection and litheness of movement, she flicked her jewel encrusted nails and commanded her legion of trained rainbow unicorn cats to meet the fowl, oncoming army.
A distraught Will was caught in between a subconscious cross-fire: fight until each Rooster peasant is freed of this dreadful life or seek refuge by the lake. There was no time for thinking; Will was aware of the impending extinction of the roosters and this... this would have led to complete obliteration! The underqueen would have gleefully cheered as the roosters fought a tragic and highly cumbersome war!
Will did it. He cryptically signaled his Rooster troops to retreat to the lake, the one place the underqueen and her "monkeys" were embargoed from entering.
Upon arrival at the lake, Will knew there was some strategic plan he was missing! He knew there was a way to get back at the underqueen, the Eskimos and the Poultry king! Will thought back to the Hobbit, intrigued by the ring, its magnificence, its usefulness, its functionality and its supreme power!
"That’s it," Will exclaimed. We must forge mass-quantities of "frodo" rings for the Poultry army, with 100 Roosters on the army, they would even benefit from economies of scale!! Will knew that the only way to get to Eskimo Kingdom was to go unheard and unseen! Although the plan was "soundproof" Will had one last person to speak to – Hagrid.
The small cabin by the lake filled with laughter as Hagrid listened to the bird brain idea that Will had formed to save the rooster army.
“Well,” Hagrid’s voice was deeply bass, “That would be a great plan if the first rings weren’t imbued with the power of all the races and forged in the fires of Mordor. And, yes, you could say that in the end it was Frodo’s ring, but Gollum and Bilbo both owned it before Frodo. Really that’s just a minor point.” Hagrid took a deep breath and looked at the chanticleer.
“But, bock, but,” Will spat splenetically, “That was our only hope. This is the goddamndestly hopeless situation I have ever been in. How do you defeat an army of rainbow kitten unicorns? Their sweetness alone could kill you.”
“I wouldn’t plan on eating them,” Hagrid laughed again. “Friend, your situation is grave, but you are capacitated to solve the problem. You just have to figure out the best strategy, and you don’t have to do it alone.” Hagrid’s irradiative words lit up the situation.
Will knew that he could consult his army. Together one hundred minds could come up with a creative solution to their current situation.